End of Leave

I can't believe my maternity leave is coming to an end!  It feels like they have flown by, but it also feels like so long before Maisie was born.  Guess that's why we have the cliche: The days are long but the years are short.  I keep being asked some version of the question, "Are you ready to go back to work?" and it's a bit of a loaded question.  I'm not so much sad to be going back to work, so much that I'm sad that this phase of life is ending.  It reminds me of when summer break was coming to the end of the school year, and you're excited to get back into a routine and to see your community more regularly, but that doesn't mean you won't miss the different pace of summer.  

When Maisie was around 4 months, I started craving a bit more structure and was missing the intellectual stimulation that work provides.  I'm grateful to have continued to be involved with my volunteer work with Unbound's board, which allowed me to use my work brain a small amount every week.  Chatting with my mentor at work, I'm excited for some prospective projects that I may take on when I return back to work.  Coincidentally, one of my neighbors and new good friends just started at my same company, and we have tentative plans to commute into the office together occasionally, which will be a great change of scenery and great to get back to connecting and networking with coworkers.

I'll have dog duty at morning and night, and I'm excited to start establishing a more regular morning routine.  I'm hoping to also start running (just a little bit!) with Poppy.  Before having Maisie, I had a pretty active workout routine, ranging from running to Peloton to in-studio classes.  While pregnant and postpartum, I've been a huge walker, but I'm excited to reset a routine to add in some more sweat-intensive sessions.  

I'm fortunate enough to have the best of many worlds and that my work will not be as abrupt of a transition as many, with my work being primarily from home so that I can see Maisie during lunch and breaks.  I've been intentional in pursuing choices in my career that will allow me to have a professional career while being around and present at home, but I also know this reality is only possible due to COVID showcasing the benefits of remote work.  I'm also super excited that Brian will be taking his family leave the next six weeks and will be taking care of Maisie.  I can't wait to see the two of them bond, and I think it will be easier for us to figure out how to divide and conquer when we've both been able to be all-in for a significant chunk of time.  

Even with all this that I'm excited for, I'll miss lazy mornings cuddling in bed.  I'll miss the flexible pace of the day, and that Maisie and I are the only ones who dictate how we're spending our time.  I'll miss the midday walks with friends and neighbors I've been able to take, that I wouldn't be normally able to do with my work schedule.  I'll miss my midday bakery visits to Bucktown and Wicker Park's best bakeries, most notably Letizia's Natural Bakery and Mindy's Bakery.  And I'll miss the little moments with Maisie: the rolls and giggles and rocking and singing and watching her grow, which I'll still have, just not as frequently throughout the day.

Maisie and I went to BYOBaby Yoga at Zen Yoga Garage around the corner from us on Wednesday, which was another of our favorite leave activities.  Maybe because two of the three moms were going back to work the following week, the instructor led the class reminding us that even though our babies are small, we are still two independent people supporting each other in this class and this practice.  I thought it was a fitting way to reflect on the upcoming transition ahead, and that while change is hard, it will allow both of us to continue to grow to our fullest potential.  

Which is why usually my answer to the loaded, "How are you feeling?" question these days tends to simple be, "Mixed!"

xoxo, Emma